Tag Archives: fear

Adult-hood.

As sunlight wrestled against the curtains, coming in ever so little only to fall upon her face, Katherin looked up a smile on her face and gleam in her eyes. She hadn’t slept that well in the past two years. Price had that effect on her. In his arms, she’d come to feel secure, a calm that completely enveloped her internal turmoils restoring tranquility in her tumultuous life.
The judgement had been passed last afternoon. The verdict in her favor, pronouncing her not guilty on any account of the homicide of her ex- boyfriend whom the cops had found hacked to death in her apartment. The relief she felt as the verdict was pronounced was something out of the world. The weight that she seemed to be carrying that of confusion and uncertainty had suddenly been lifted off her shoulders.
The early morning sun-rays today reflected her life, nature’s way off imparting poetic justice one would think. The dark circles under her eyes that had until yesterday made her appear old and frail today attenuated the radiance like scars on a war veteran, reflecting maturity and wisdom and the ability to fight it through a rough patch. Proof of her will and determination and more than anything , to the world, of her innocence. The tears she’d cried, the prayers prayed had all payed off.
Today she was not just a free lady, but one who had been victimized by the judgementality of society. Looking outside she some children, little girls probably on their way to school, smiling and waving their arms bidding their goodbyes. She recollected the last time she had smiled like that, full and carefree, it was exactly two years ago, as she bid goodbye to Philip as she left for uni.
Reflecting back on the day, she couldn’t help but frown at the reality, “Could adults ever smile carefree in true innocence? Or had they lost that capability to children alone?” Marred by deceit, conspiracy and forever worried by the uncertainty we’d enslaved ourselves to fear.

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I see but do you??

She did wake up from her sleep all dazed! Where was she, she wondered, was not like she’d gone home with some guy last night, but nevertheless she didn’t seem to recognise where she’s woken up or what day it was. She looked into her watch rubbing her eyes and she saw it; a crack, a big one at that. As she looked around, she was greeted by surprise; shock more like to surroundings she did not recognise at all. “Where was she?”, she wondered aloud, “was it time to panic yet??”

It wasn’t the first time she’d dreamt of it, and for some reason she was sure it wouldn’t be the last. Laura paced around the room, she’d lost sleep for good. As she frantically searched for her pills, the truth that she’d emptied them out a few days before dawned upon her, also with it was the fact that she’s probably have to embrace dawn in the state of trance especially as she couldn’t get any sleep any longer.

It wasn’t the first time that Laura had dreamt of it, only to lose all sleep, the sedatives had helped so long but what would she do this night? She looked out of the window, nature seemed to be at loggerheads with the world, a storm was raging outside like a punishment suitable only for the worst of the sinners, was she part of them; she wondered. Was it her sin also that everyone else was paying for? The window shut with a bang, was it a sign from above?? She picked up the phone to call Marko, he had to know the answer to her question: after all he had helped her with everything else over this past year.

“Hey, what’s up?”, Marko said, half in his drunken stupor. “How can this poor humble soul serve you my highness?”, he asked. Something about Marko always calmed her, tonight however, Laura felt a chill down her spine. Marko was calm as usual, but the way he answered made all the difference apparently! Laura sat bolt upright on her bed, holding onto her knees for fear of the feet running away elsewhere. She lit a cigarette, she despised smokers and also the fact that over the past few months she did keep a pack at home. She’d started smoking off late, though it was restricted to only those nights that she felt this angst rise within her.

She coughed, a puff of smoke fleeing her nostrils. As she paced around the room she thought of the one thing that had always helped her. It was funny but it was effective, sadly though, she had no supply left with her. She thanked her stars for having chosen the telephone plan she had, she could call all her friends free of cost for an unlimited amount of time.”Hey sweety, what is it?”, answered a voice all too familiar from the other side, Her go to person Jess had obliged, once again. She did sound a bit woozy, but Laura couldn’t care any less at the moment. She’d discussed her dreams with Jess at length. Jess a student of psychology had always been intrigued by Laura, rather her dreams. She had made it her mission to find out the connection, rather the events behind her dreams, which she firmly believed to exist.

Jess had begun work on Laura’s dreams about a week after they met, it had been close to a year now, and she was still working. Every time she dreamt of something, Laura would call Jess and narrate the entire incident. What flummoxed Jess time over and again was how Laura’s dreams were all based in a war in Syria. She’d always dreamt of an escape from a war torn region, running her socks out just to ensure she lived another day while her entire family was destroyed by the war. Why a girl who’d lived all her life in Mexico and who knew nothing about Syria saw such a dream was what she’d been searching the answer for. Was there something in her past which she had been hiding from everyone? Was there something about herself which Laura knew not about??? The quest was on, with Jess hot in pursuit.